You can't make this $h!t up! True Story.

"Holy POOP!" That is probably what I said (among other words) on Friday night. Unfortunately for readers I don't have any photographic proof of this story, although I do have eye witnesses...maybe it is fortunate.
Friday night, wine, music, good times with the family, very nice restaurant, and poop. Lots of it. Baby poop. Everywhere.
I have been chaning diapers for 5 months now so you think I would know what to expect. Well, so did I and I was wrong. Scott and I had his family in from Minnesota, the whole clan. Parents, sister, her husband, and their baby girl Alison were in for a week experiencing Alaskan summer at it's finest. It's their last night with us and Scott's dad wanted to take us out for dinner. We were all having a great time. My niece,Alison, was cooing contently and Michael was taking a snooze on the seat next to me. When he awoke I decided that it was time to change his diaper. Thinking that he was just wet I headed to the bathroom. It was sweltering hot in there. I was sweating in under a minute. Think hell, but hotter. I took off his diaper and noticed that he had just a dot of poo coming. It suddenly burst out onto me and the bathroom floor , the counter and of course, the outfit Michael was wearing. Luckily it only got on my left pant leg and shoe! Not Lucky at all! There was so much of it everywhere I couldn't believe it. I was really appreciating the fact that I didn't lug the diaper bag with me. I was so frantic looking for anything to clean up. I don't know what I was thinking, I must have not been thinking at all....the heat caused my brain to melt. I grabbed a ton of paper towels and cleaned up the bathroom floor to the best of my ability. I cleaned it first because I didn't want to keep stepping in it. Meanwhile, my son is lying on the bathroom sink counter because there isn't a changing station. Do I have the clean diaper on him yet? Nope. I was trying to get more poop off my pants. Ok, so there is Michael just as happy as can be lying in his poop. Oh, and he is squirming around in it too! Finally...bathroom floor clean. Now what? What the hell do I do now? I don't know. I must have stood there for a few minutes wondering if I take the naked baby back with me to get the diaper bag or just wait until someone notices that I am gone. Just then, a waitress comes in. I tell her that we had a very big accident. She just smiles and goes on with her business. While she is washing her hands I ask her to get my husband. She says she will and leaves. I wait watching my very happy baby PEE everywhere! He is on the counter still, with poop and pee. Lovely! Finally my husband comes in diaper bag in tow! My nightmare was over. My husband saved me!I got every inch of the baby wiped clean, diapered, and dressed in a new outfit....they went back to eat and I washed yellow baby poop off my pants. Boy, I must have looked AWESOME when I came out. One soaked pant leg, sweat dripping off my face and crazy frizzy hair. To my son I say, " You sir, are a delight!"