Random thoughts about motherhood....

I often lie in bed awake, for some reason, unable to sleep. I guess sometimes at night I have too many things on my mind. Some nights I am lying there and everyone and everything in the house is sleeping soundly. I can't sleep. Then a very strange thought pops into my head. I am a mom! How weird is that? I gave birth to a person! A real live human being. Why is it that after 19 months this thought still shocks me?
When I wake up for the day, it's not by an alarm. It's always Michael that wakes me up. From the second I open my eyes and crawl out of bed it is all too real that I am, indeed, a mother. I am bleary eyed, and tired, and usually wishing for nothing more than to go back to bed...then I see his face! He is always genuinely happy to see me and I am always more than delighted to see him. I am still overwhelmed by how much I love him! My heart swells and I am truly happy to see him happy. When he is upset by something, it upsets me. Even if he is just throwing a fit because he didn't get his way, I feel badly for him. I guess to me unhappy is unhappy, no matter the cause.
Don't get me wrong, he can be quite the little terror when he is tired and cranky. I honestly enjoy an afternoon or night off from being a mom. The odd thing is that now when we are apart, while I relish being ME, I do feel a little sad that I am not playing with Mikey, or that he isn't around. I sometimes feel guilty for wanting to spend time apart from him, but I am always a better mom after a break.
The other random mom thought is how sad I am going to be when he thinks I am a loser and walks 3 feet ahead of me at the mall. I know it's not for sometime but I know its eventually going to happen.

Other random mommy stuff.....
Anyways, lately I haven't been sleeping much because Michael has been getting up in the middle of the night. He couldn't get settled when we were in Minnesota and started sleeping through the night there the last two nights we were there. Then we got home and changed the scenery on him again. I guess when I go to bed I can't really settle down because I know it will only be a matter or hours before I must get up to check on him. So, last night I decided to try to let him cry it out. After some time Scott said he would go check on him. Michael was out of his crib! He probably cried from the fall and was crying at the closed door. Scott got him back into the crib and he went back to sleep. A few hours later Michael was up again. This time I went in there double quick as to ensure he had not dived out of the crib again. I got him to lie back down. He was quiet and I thought he was going to go back to sleep so I left the room again but didn't close his door all the way. Before I can close my eyes in my snugly bed, he starts crying, followed by a thud and harder crying. The crying was getting louder and closer. You know it. Houdini escaped the crib again! So today is big boy bed day! How tragic! We shall see how many times he gets up in the middle of the night to come in to my room and say, "Momma, hup, hup, hup, hup, peeeese. Kek-oooh!" (Mommy, up, up, up, up, puh-lease! Thank you!") Hope all of you other moms in toddler bed do not have escape artists and do have sound sleepers.