Bittersweet Symphony

If I had to use one word to describe my life right now it’s bittersweet. I know that doesn’t seem fun but I love it. I am very satisfied and happy with my life so don't get me wrong, but my life is bittersweet at best. Here’s why... Michael right now, is my biggest part of my life. Here’s why having Michael is bittersweet…
Michael is so fun, so LOUD, very curious, easily excitable, cautiously mischievous, and as always a wonderfully captivating boy. The problem is, that he like every other toddler, is growing way too quickly. That is why it’s bittersweet. I love that he is speaking more clearly every day. I love hearing when a word that’s new to him, clumsily and unsteadily tumbles off his tongue. I love seeing him light up when we talk about trucks, cars or any type of motor vehicle. I love how when he is hurt he runs to me screaming “Mamma, Mamma, Mamma, oush, oush, oush” (instead of ouch, ouch, ouch). I love his chubby small hand holding mine when we cross the street. I love that when it’s too hot outside he doesn’t want to walk, but be held instead. I love that he favors me above all others. I love that when he wakes up he comes to me, I pick him up and he says, “Mamma Baby”, while patting me. (I always tell him that he is Mommy’s Baby, and sometimes ask, “Are you Mommy’s Baby?”) I could go on forever and if you are a mom, you understand.
Sigh. But, as always, all of these events that occur on a daily basis are going to change. I understand that he is growing up and will turn 2 soon. I know this is happening whether I want it to or not. I can’t stop time or put it in slow motion. I just haven’t accepted it. I have told my head, but my heart can’t fathom it. It is a concept I can’t figure out how to grasp. Why couldn’t he stay a baby a little longer? Why does he get to be an adult for so long but not a little guy? My little guy. Why am I such an emotional freak about this? Do other moms feel this way?
When he was a tiny newborn, I would say, “I love newborns they are so small and cute and sleepy, this is my favorite age.” When he learned to smile I said, “This is my favorite age”. Then he learned to sit up and look like he was interacting with people, I again said, “This is my favorite age.” Now that he is 1 ½, this is my favorite age. Really.
I loved when he was a baby, I miss it though, but I love my freedom (not constantly breastfeeding and helping him, I like that he plays by himself quietly in his room and I can just check on him), I love watching him grow, but as much as I love it, it’s sad. It’s all just very bittersweet.
Every age is my favorite age.